The situation that came up at the end of May ended with the birthmother being overwhelmed; it was left a bit open ended in that it was possible she was still going to make an adoption plan in the future. We were one of two families being considered, so we just accepted it, and kept a tiny bit of hope alive. A few weeks later, our counselor was going on vacation and someone took over our file. I emailed both counselors to let them know we wanted to be kept informed as to where this situation was going. If this birthmother never called the agency again, we wanted to know so we could have closure and let it go.
The due date was around the end of June…a couple weeks ago. When we saw an email from our counselor this week, I thought it might have an update…birthmother still in contact…birthmother not in contact…but no…even better…she was emailing to tell us that she (our counselor) is pregnant and due in January…not a word about this situation. Am I being unreasonable? Shouldn't there maybe have been a line about this situation we have our hearts ever so slightly hung around?
My working conditions continue to be less than desirable. I hate having two jobs…after all the second job (my business) was put in place as a part-time endeavour six years ago when we started trying to have children. It all seemed logical - an at-home job that I could take in a secondary income and still provide in-home childcare. Well, we still don’t have a child and I am tired of working two jobs day and night...I want a personal life back again. Is this selfish? Perhaps, but my husband hasn't given this sort of sacrifice, so why should I? My out-of-house job continues to be horrid…we still are at reduced salary and hours continue to climb; there is no end in site. I currently have six active projects, while I saw my coworker watching movies yesterday afternoon because he didn’t have anything to do. Why does a good work ethic equate to being overworked? After working until 10:00 pm last night on my business, I received an email at 11:40 pm requesting additional changes...you're kidding me, right? No. This is reality...this is my reality...and I no longer like it.
Anyhow, a job position came up a week or so ago that appealed to me. And two of my references are in close connection with the person hiring...so I knew I had a chance. I turned in the application on Sunday and got a call back on Monday...an interview is set up for Friday. This brings much confusion to my life...do I give up the business after six years to go back to a normal career? Is this giving up on the adoption? What if I get the job, I love it, and then we get a call? The job is in Schaumburg, so would we move from Gates Place to a house more central to both of our employments? Why all of these questions when this adoption situation is still ever so slightly hanging out there?
Honestly, I am ready to throw darts...flip coins...draw straws... I don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore. I am unable to make decisions. I wish I knew if we would ever get matched with a child, or is it time to move on and have a career that I enjoy? In the meantime, I have made the decision that I am going into this interview to impress…to get an offer in this economy...well, it would be close to miraculous.
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8 comments:
Oh good luck and happy thoughts for Friday!!! You should do what feels right for NOW, because that is living. Otherwise it's just torture. And you can never turn down an opportunity to hear if something might be more up your alley--it could be a door to your whole future!
Keep us posted!
Katie,
I think that was unbelievable insensitive and unprofessional of your counselor to send you an email like that. I am not sure how I feel about this agency.
As for your job, you know what they say.. "Life is what happens when you are making plans". Do what you need to do for you and Rob. The rest will fall into place :) Good luck.
BethAnn
You are not selfish in any way. You are a woman who wants to be a mommy and wants to be sane and happy too :-)
How completely RUDE of the counselor to send a heinous email like that.
I completely understand your wanting an at-home job. Do you really think you'd be getting any work done after getting a baby?? Doubtful. I say this based upon the endless reality shows that show moms who work at home and can't actually work until WAY late at night. Ask yourself if you want to take care of a house and baby all day and work all night - getting little to no sleep OR if you want a job that ends at 5pm w/weekends off and the work stays at work leaving you time to be sane w/descent sleep minus the baby waking up a few times in the night. I'm an outsider w/no feelings of the business you've spent 6 years building. It's easy for me to say to quit the business. Hopefully your husband is supportive of whatever you want and whatever will make you happy!
Your counselor is supposed to be your advocate in this process and it doesn't sound like she is. I'd call her and ask about the placement situation. You have a right to know what happened because you were being considered by the mom. The job thing is really hard: I've found I've been holding back on doing certain things because of our adoption wait. Seems like you should go for it though especially since your job situation now seems pretty miserable.
It is easy to want to put our lives on hold while we wait for a situation to come up. I didn't want to get in the middle of a huge remodeling project on our house because...what happens if a baby comes? Well, if a baby comes, we deal with it. Just like we would if I suddenly found myself pregnant.
Thanks for the encouragement about my job post. All the kind words really helped.
guy i hate seeing you in such a place where everything is soooo unknown and up in the air and you're just trying to find the balance...praying for you, standing by you, rooting for you, thinking of you
Good luck with the interview! It totally feels like limbo when you're waiting for a child to come into your life. Constantly thinking should I plan that trip, etc. because what if we get the call? I think you just have to live your life and be happy with the now, when you get the call you'll figure it out but at least you'll be happy in the mean time.
I can't believe the insensitivity of your counselor. WAY out of line! You are such a strong woman, I really look up to you. Isn't it amazing how everything piles up at once? All the major life-changing decisions all packed into what seems like one choice. I'm going through a bit of that myself. It's hard to just let things happen... unfortunately for me, that always seems to be the lesson... just let things happen. You know what's best for you and your husband. Don't be afraid of the hard decisions, those are the most rewarding. *hugs*
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